End of the Line (?)

My work as photographer and documentarian may well be coming to an end. At the end of this month, one hundred twenty dollars is due for Adobe Cloud. As I am unable to pay it, I will no longer be able to edit and process the many photos I have already taken. If you think my work is worth continuing, perhaps you would like to help. Any donations to my PayPal account (tobemarx@gmail.com) would be gratefully accepted.

UPDATE: Deepest thanks to all my followers who pitched in to help me. I now have enough to pay my Adobe bill and recover my cameras. I love you all!

Leaving Castro Station

“Leaving Castro Station” (2014)

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Ruined or Not

Despite my efforts to rise above emotion and speak evenly and objectively, I am learning that my last post was in fact toxic; the truth, but crippling to my own best interests. Crippling or not, I am just too worn down to rectify it. Life refuses to slacken, so in case you are wondering why I seem to be giving up, I have been hammered by a variety of serious health problems for a couple of years. The daily stress of living in poverty has also taken a heavy toll. I am drained, used up, not giving up.

Tivoli Ruins01_1906
Source: San Francisco History Center, SF Public Library

Ruins of the Tivoli Opera House, 1906

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City of the Future Present

Saint Ann's Valley

“Saint Ann’s Valley” (2012)

The future we have created is far more horrid than any nightmare scenario we dreamed in the last century. In recent years, life in San Francisco has become radicalized in the most unpleasant ways. For all the City’s braggadocio, it no longer supports or even cares about the people who for many years made it such a special place. San Francisco has embraced corporatism and rejected culture, becoming in the process a city of the living dead.

I can no longer sell prints to save my soul. All my gear is collateral for a loan, thus changes to the central city have gone undocumented for months. One by one, my sponsors have discontinued their monthly subscriptions without explanation. Chief among them was Zendesk, the company that bought and restored at great cost the Eastern Outfitting Company building on Market Street. The amount of their subscription was pocket change to anyone who works there. For me, it meant sustenance for a week. Forced to choose between necessities, I generally elect to pay monthly bills for software, utilities and medication instead of buying food, all the while sinking ever deeper into a financial hole.

Market and Golden Gate

“Market and Golden Gate” (2014) “Let There Be” marks the Eastern Outfitting Company building, new home of Zendesk.

Struggling for miserable survival in the midst of plenty is not a life. It is constant torment and a harrowing, drawn-out demise. Intermittent lip service to the plight of artists is background noise, an irritant, nothing more. Else-wise, the silence has been deafening. Played out, worn down by age and failing health, limited resources depleted, it seems as though all my work has been for nothing. Those who may have wondered about my posts becoming so sporadic now know the reason.

Razing Saint Francis

“Razing Saint Francis” (2013)

If it so happens that you are enjoying the spectacle of my crack-up, please be sure to let me know. Even morbid appreciation is gratifying. Conversely, I will thank you to keep empty, bleeding-heart reassurances to yourselves. Hollow words serve only to annoy.

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Filed under Messages, Mid-Market, Sixth Street, Tenderloin

Tenderloin Museum

According to the curators and directors of the Tenderloin Museum, a certain person who has devoted years of his life to documenting San Francisco’s central city and Tenderloin simply does not exist. I hope you will pardon my lack of enthusiasm over the museum’s opening today. Ignored if not outright rejected by the neighborhood into which I have poured all my love, I am right now feeling angry and crushed. Considering all I have endured and ultimately overcome in this life, I will most likely get over it . . . some day.

UPDATE (18 July 2015): I am over it. The work at hand is far more important to me.

St. Boniface Spire

“St. Boniface Spire” (2014)

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Filed under Events, Messages, Mid-Market